Like everyone here we have our own story to be told. There is the ying and yang of life some have it better others worse.
I almost died when I was 4 they told my parents don't expect me to live as it wasn't known but the measles were breaking out inside me. I can remember one janitor at night when I was in isolation had more common sense and it was midnight. He heard me cry and came to the closed door asking what was wrong. I told him I wanted my mom and he said he would call her and my dad. That was all I needed and years later I told my mom this, she told me we never got a call from anyone. My folks and my sister had to stand on crates to barely see me in the hospital. Mom when I did get out and loved levi jeans lived in them would tell me if you ever die I am going to bury you in them. I later figured out why she said that as I came close to dying then and when I was 24 from the birth control pills, got a deep vein clot and more. So I later became prone to leg ulcers and standing at my old job was a big factor in getting them.
I am not big on birth control pills and mine was low dosage as when I had my clot long ago my doctor told me a lot of doctors won't let their wives use them as they see what happens when one does. I had a friend who almost bleed to death from them and another her sister had heart attack at age 32 and died. My sister stopped when they took two cups of fluid from off the under part of my left lung that was the color of tea and thought I had clots in my lung so had to have heart catherization to be sure you didn't in the frankstein operating room and you got to be awake for that. Then seven days later came my leg swelled up and I spent from 7pm to 11pm before a doctor saw me and I was just dragging my leg. He told me you aren't going anywhere.You have a deep vein clot.
Home life growing up was fun to an extent. Dad was physically abusive to me and mom. That didn't help much in the anxiety department or self esteem department and I had neck jerks. I saw a shrink on my own who just listened and dad freaked when the bill was sent to the house as it wasn't suppose to and forbid me to see him till I was 21. When I turned 21 went to see this shrink again , no medicine and he said he was from Canada and people here think you are nuts if you see one!
I would help out at mom's hair shop after school and the weekends to get away from my dad. I could not wait to move when I late in the 70's to the beach as I always loved it and never had hayfever there!!
I saw a homeopathic doctor in 1985 as no one could help with an ear injury I had. Then he referred me to a lady in Santa Barbara. This lady told me I had a rough life. I never thought of my life being rough.I had more going on than what I mentioned. I had anxiety and panic attacks as a kid from 10-12 yrs old then when I used ear plugs and pushed too hard the room spun two times. I spent two years and my savings trying to get help I have had $200 to my name and then $7 in checking when I later went through my divorce but I had a job, now I don't.
At the age 38-40 I had anxiety attacks and panic attacks so bad from stress of a supervisor coming after me for my job. The orginazation a big one I won't mention. It would not be till I was 40 when it hit the hardest. It change my appetite and took years to get in the car and drive on the freeway as I would just bottom out in hunger department. I went to normal appetite and weight of 138 to 145 and then to 135 later.
Oh when I was 39 I heard Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble and later saw them in concert. I got to met Stevie and Reese getting their autographs and my pic with Stevie then saw them again in Dec 89. That night panic attack happen luckly I had food snack Fritos to eat and had the chance to meet him again but didn't. I started guitar lessons then year later my teacher left after Stevies death months later and it was bitter sweet to play again. His death knocked me to the ground. As the band was no more. After that everything went down hill.
Oh, I have been to San Franisco, Big Sur, Carmel and Marin county which I love. Mill Valley love it. My dad made sure we saw a lot even sleeping in car at night and going in a restruant to clean up. Back then safe to do so. I saw a lot of places but mostly due to dad or my sister living in Northern California.
So when I see someone here going through hard times mentally, physically or fianancially I can relate and try to post in my post what I learned which will be updated soon as mine got lost and so did I for a while from aidpage. I joined in November 2008.
I have help a lady at Jack in the Box who had a coke when I was let go of my job. I could see her in me and doesn't take much to be where she was. After much going in and out and how to approach her to offer her money as others passed her by. She was shaking and a small coke wasn't helping. I gave her money telling get some food for yourself and her brown eyes looked up saying thank you. I went to my car and bawled as how could this happen in the U.S.? It will still make me cry. I would look for her when I had to go down there and never saw her again. I have helped other homeless people not as much as I would have liked to due to money.
I know this posting is not in chronological order according to years but I am not changing it.
I have met people who knew people in the rocknroll biz, trainded horses for the movie Seabuscuit and had a blast while he was alive seeing him with the horses and my folks took us to the Santa Anita track every weekend so I fell in love with horses.
I had fun at the beach till I moved back home to learn something else and mom got sick with cancer and died. I wish I would have stayed at the beach as when I moved I knew it wasn't a good thing. Glad I got to be with mom more but two women in the same house with their own way of doing things in the kitchen clash.
I just hope I can find work soon as this is a big stress for a lot of us. And thank you soulight forver as I would have never saw aidpage if hadn't seen you when I google need help with rent etc as I knew I would have to move from deceased mom's house soon back in November 2008 when I orginally joined. Never left, glitch in computer removed me Sunday the 19 of July 2009 and Emil and AidpageTeam worked hard to get me back on.
Sometimes I know we feel like we are running on empty but have to keep the tank half full.
